i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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