I'm sorry my penis didn't work
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
