I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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