I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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