She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
