I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
