I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
third nipple confirmed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
