At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
