Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
