Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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