Non-Jews are for practice
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
