oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
