I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
