Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
