The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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