The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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