I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
