how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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