The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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