So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We need to get me chipped asap
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
