Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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