i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
