Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
