its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
