This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
