are you still at the devil's house?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
