its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
