white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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