You just made me feel so damn special
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
