My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
