In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
COCAINE IS GR8
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
