Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
