i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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