Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
