It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
