i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
