The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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