Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
