at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
