it wasn't lemon gatorade
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
