i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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