from now on my penis is your penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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