North Korea, Best Korea!
one might say we're banned from that church
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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