He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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