ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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