wanna go halves on a baby?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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