i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
