Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
one might say we're banned from that church
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
