Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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