You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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