I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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