u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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